Update

Im in an internet cafe in paris and would love to tell some tales but this keyoard is in french and right now the only key i am good at finding is the delete button which i use 3 times a word. Got to tell you all about my eating disorder, the British P party, my quest for ass, and feeling like an idiot in the Lourve, my language skills, and much more.

We are taking the overnight train to Madrid tomorrow. Please keep on writing me with suggestions for stuff to do and see. dont really have a plan or a clue so everything is appreciated.

also im working on marni, ellstein, and colby to come out for the olympics. if anybody else is interested please get in touch as i would love to share good times (that includes you mom and dad)

later.

Burn London, Burn

I've been in London since Wednesday afternoon. All in all, I'm pretty impressed with this place. The city is huge, and seems more interesting and diverse than NYC. Jen and I spent the first two day seeing the sights, walking around London Tower, going to see the changing of the guard (kind of an unnecessary tradition) and walking through Harrod's.

We spent the first night in a hostel in Piccadilly Circus. Went to take a nap at 6pm but didn’t wake up until 8am the next morning. Now I feel like a normal person again and can actually hold conversations and even look somewhat awake at times.

Last night Jen and I met her friend Colin at a bar after he got off work. Drinking escalated pretty quickly. I passed the tribirion challenge which involved gargling sambuca.

The highlight of the night, other than eating burger king late night, is when we got our new middle-aged drinking mate that we met at the bar to go wild. It started when a certain Littyhoops made a plea to all the working men of london to take off their ties and kick back. One guy goes to me "not only will i take off my tie but i will do one better than that" and he rips off his shirt and starts to light his chest hair on fire. I have pictures that I will try and upload.

Today, is a chill day so far. Went to the mall in the countryside with Colin and then went bowling. We are going to meet another one of Jen's friends Kate in Redding in a few hours.

By the way, should i be worried that I have absolutely no plan after tomorrow? Travelling, hotels, etc. -- i got nothing. I want to be in Paris on Sunday -- currently have no mode of transportation. I just kind of assume if i don’t do anything and be as lazy as possible the decisions will make themselves.

International Instigator

Most of you know that I have the incredible annoying ability to instigate dumb arguments between friends. I was at my instigation prime back in college when I single-handedly escalated such melee’s as the Hillman/Ross 12 on 1 punch to the back of the head (To set the record straight I was not present and had no knowledge of it beforehand but if everybody is going to blame it on me I will take the credit) The Hillman-Kyle's eyeballs-Moeshe pile on in ZBT ( I, along with my one-time protégé Brian Teppel, was the ringside announcer on the mic) and the many Evanter-Troy verbal diarrhea wars.

Even more annoying is my ability to fascinate myself with dumb stories that are 1% true. Big Sexy Pops, our favorite two man luge team, etc.

I would like to report that these extraordinary powers have flourished once again in Eretz Yisrael.

Before I get into the stories I want to let you all know how people perceived me on the trip.

1) They called me "Blaze" because I always looked out of it. I tried to tell them it is my natural state of being but they didn’t buy it. One girl thought I had a disease.

2) When they found out the Jen wasn't my girlfriend every guy thought I was gay. Jen and I were real jetlagged and slept on each other the whole bus ride and for the first few meetings. To compound the situation we both were wearing green. I guess everybody assumed we were madly in love and when I finally let the word out that we are just good buddies -- it spread throughout the kibbutz faster then when Jessica dumped Nick. A few days later I'm floating in the dead see, shooting the shit with my boy Josh, when he goes "I was sure you were a real fruitcake, but I guess your ok"

3) People on the trip laughed at whatever I said. Miraculously, bad one liner after bad one liner was met with cheers and rousing applause. Never once did I get a "very funny witty litty, shut up now". When I said why can't we find some illegals to plant trees at the JNF nature preserve -- they loved it. When I bargained down from 2 sheks to 1 to get a piece of pita and then still shortchanged the guy by a few agerot i was a star. Etc., Etc.

That being said here is my first good story (second one will have to wait as I'm running out of time). One late night in the kibbutz in the Galilee we were hanging out in the lobby having a few drinks. We had got back from the bar and just kept on drinking and things started to get silly. Cartwheels in the lobby, biting girls arms, etc. Finally, me, and my partners in crime leor and josh start chasing each other around the lobby. In all the joyous fun Leor decided to start getting destructive.... Below is the story which actually happened and which I have told to our group of 50 at Havdallah service outside in the dark with a flashlight (think sandlot….FOREVER).

The Legend of the Kibbutz Monster

A long long time ago in the land Eretz Yisrael lived the wonderful Kibutznicks. These holy, joyous children of purity loved to sing and dance, and play with one another without a fear in the world. They welcomed visitors from far and wide and therefore were thrilled when their American counterparts came to see how the kibbutznicks lived in peace. They opened their arms with spreads of hummus, drinks of liquor, and tobacco of double apricot from their beautiful hookah.

Little did the holy Kibbutznicks know that one of these Americans turned evil when he consumed the red bull, and the vodka, mixed with many other spirits. Almost like he came from the Sea of Galilee rose the KIBBUTZ MONSTER. Four heads taller than the normal jew, and with aryan hair and blue eyes, the Kibbutz Monster ran through the kibbutz thumping his chest and yelling "RAH, RAH, RAH". Soon the hand-crafted garbarage can was lying on its side, the front desk was a mess, and the chairs were tossed aside. The KIBBBUTZ MONSTER had called for an Intifida on all the inadament objects of the Kibbutz. The lamps flicked with fear and the winds howled as they tried to escape the wrath of the KIBBUTZ MONSTER.

"Hey man, Why are you destroying my Kibbutz?" inquired the inquisitive holy Jonathon. "RAH, RAH, RAH, - Are you talking shit" retorts the KM....

I wish i can tell you the rest of the story but at this point i ran to the bed. As a master of drunken destruction -- jumping into Jamaican ceiling fans, breaking doors, windows, walls and vomiting on anything that stands in my way -- never have i felt that I have sinned. But when you bring it all to a Kibbutz somehow it just ain't that cool. I feel Jewish.

Where to Begin?

I guess at day 12. That would be today. I was hoping to start this blog at the beginning of the LittyHoops Cathartic World Tour but that got derailed when my first 10 days were spent on Birthright Israel tour -- the greatest test of endurance a privileged jewish kid from New York can ever imagine. Imagine ten days in a group with 40 other jewish kids as we collectively try and figure out how Judaism is more than extravagant Bar Mitzvah parties with photo booths and DJ's, and then moving on to going around new york city clubs asking other jews if they know the same people as you do. Apparently the way to figure this all out is to drink as much as possible every night, and stay up as late as possible so that you can be as hung-over as possible when you go on 5 hour walking tours throughout the holiest places in the world. Enlightenment, ahhhhh.

Actually, the trip was amazing. There is so much to see and do in Israel. It was everything I imagined, a link to my past and even to my future and the most HUMBLING experience of my lifetime. The epiphianic moment occurred for me at the kotel (otherwise known as the wailing wall). After winding our way through the Jewish Quarter we arrived at the wall at night. I'm not sure what I expected, but what I got was overwhelming and I was in awe. I'm not going to get too into it because I think the moment was for me, and trying to explain it would be as boring as when somebody talks about their fantasy team roster and tells you about every transaction they made throughout the season.

The most beneficial aspect of the birthright trip (besides it being free) was that our group consisted of six Israeli peers. I spent a great deal of time with them, and learned so much about their lives, beliefs and ideas. Israeli's are so passionate, opinioned and mature. A common idea is that they are all Sabra's -- an Israeli fruit that is prickly and tough on the outside and soft on the inside. I like this analogy as all the Israeli's we met were tough to crack, but once they opened up it was amazing what they were willing to share with us.

We were in Rabin Square in Tel Aviv when we found out a suicide bombing had occurred in the city. The Israeli's hardly flinched and said that it happens often. Two days later at Mt. Herzel (national cemetery) each one told a story about how a terrorist attack affected their life and almost all of them broke down weeping.

I'll have more stories to tell -- about how I instigate even better in Israel than in America, how I bounced on my job, and what its like to chill with beyda, and travel with Jen.

Hopefully, this bloggin’ thing works out. I will start to post pictures and try to update regularly. Please write in with comments, questions and let me know what you want me to write about.

I'm going to London tomorrow.